Past and Present

A friend and I were talking about experiences that we've been through, would we change things if we knew everything now. I'm sure everybody thinks this but would you change things? I would like to think the choices I made some how happen in a different life ( If I went left in this life, I went right in my other). I do wonder if I would be happy in either life, how my choices would be different and how I would be as a person. Would I still be in this position I am now ?

Ghost

All of this

Got me what ?

You

This mess of you
 tarnish and broken.

I have words

 For you

 heavy and hurtful
 about your  lies and waste of moments that made me happy.

You

Are shadow's in the day and the night
 keeping me up and wanting me to follow.

All of this

Got me

You

 I'll never haunt you they way you have haunted me.

Piece or Peace

I though I could count on myself to breathe but all this running got my lungs burning.
       with answers I don't have.

If you can just reach inside of me and get what you need to love me.
            I won't feel so lonely anymore.

Going back to what ?

I'm going back to school in August.

I'm excited about it I would like to further my education, I once read a poster that said you can never be over educated and overdressed and I believe in both.   I'm going for Early Childhood Education ( yes I want to be a teacher) I'm 24 and going back to school (yikes). I need to do something with my life at times I feel like I'm drifting in out of spaces. I'm a little nervous going back I remember when I first went to college orientation I had a panic attack and called my mom to calm me down.  I know it's different now and I'm a lot older but when I think about what's going to happen and things that I have to do I feel a little a bit of panic.  I"m a naturally shy person ( I don't know if it's because I'm an  only child and I was around adults most of the time) I panic that I'm not smart enough and I won't go any further then my pre-req classes. I panic that I'm stuck with people younger then me ( yes, I know I'm not that old) but having the possibility of facing or talking to some one in the early 20's scares me a bit.

Onto the next chapter of this story

I'm a virgin and I'm single.

I don't regret being a virgin and if you're thinking I'm saving myself because religious reasons that's not it. I just never thought the few men I've been with wasn't worth them taking that from me. ( yay women power). I have my moments when I'm regret my decisions because I could of tap many of asses!!!

I know I need to find someone deserving of my awesomeness that is my vagina .  I know,  I know my time is not up yet ( sounds like my death) In away this virginity is a burden to me.When people find you're a virgin they either look at you with an Awwwww look it's a cute wittle bunny or Dammmm Really.. ??  I feel like getting up in there face  and saying YES really I'm sorry I didn't loose it when I was 14 ya damn skank  but I smile politely and say nothing.

I wonder if I should loose it with a friend ( wiggles eyebrows suggestively ) I want to experience sexual passion and I do want to do it!! (heh)  I know this is suppose to be all apart of life sex, love and becoming yourself and these all the things I want but what would I have to trade for all these things. I mean I'm pretty sure I can call some one and say lets get down and they're all for it but I don't know if I can follow through . This is a battle that I am always thinking about and it never gets any easier as more time passes.

This time.

I forgot there was you hiding beneath my heart.