ROMANCE

http://topographe.tumblr.com/post/7522748060/a-poem-about-lust

Love this body..

Be Ready

This is me

This is you

Standing on opposite sides

Are you ready to run ?

Happy ending's aren't for free

I had a really good weekend

My parents marriage is something of a convenience. When my mother meet my step-father she was living with my grandma and she just recently moved from New York she had a job and a car that she had to borrow from my grandmother  in away my mother had a struggling life, granted she always had a job and a place to go but I believe my mother was always struggling with her self. Then she meet my step-dad he gave her things she never had ( a bank account, her own apartment) a car of her own. I remember hating him when  I first saw him ( I felt he was taking a way my mother and he was old) Till this day I don't know what made my mom fall in love with him.

Well fast track 13 years later and my mom is unhappy with her marriage ( you would think a sane person would just leave and be done with it). My mother stays because she has the financial backing my step-father gives her and she doesn't want to give up the life she has now ( this my opinion not my mothers). She's tells me all the time that she miserable and why is she being punished.. ( really) . When I was younger I use to feel sorry for my mother feeling that way. Now I don't; I do hurt for her because I know she's not happy but she has the choice to leave and she doesn't.

My dad won't leave her because he doesn't have anyone, the children he has from prior marriage don't even talk to him anymore. He's a lonely old man who never had someone to love him as my mom does and I think he takes her for granted.

 I'm afraid if I get married that's how my marriage will be.

suit case

thin k

reminder

http://inspiredbythisfeeling.tumblr.com/post/20823469375

feelings

http://inspiredbythisfeeling.tumblr.com/post/21191820101

Running away

like the coward I am
and how shameless you are
where are we  going to be
when we discover our hearts

I want to hold you down

I want to break you
                             in all the ways you have broken me
   take some of your parts and
                         
         hide them from you
like you hid your love from me

Trust me on this

I'm an awesome person and yes I have flaws ( I don't mind admitting that) . I just have issues with trusting people ( men mostly). If you don't make an good impression with me when we first meet I tend to dislike you right away. I know each person has a story and you have to get to know them blah, blah , blah. I just know when I first meet someone I either like them or I don't ( granted I may have been wrong in a few cases but I'm  always right) I dislike a person for a reason until I see something that's worth liking then maybe I change my mind.

I guess I rather not invest my self with someone that  I will tell my secrets, hope, dreams and my time with when they can walk away and forget me or use the words I say against myself. I don't have much friends the ones I do have; I've known for years. I don't know if being the way I am is a good thing or bad thing? Am I ruining my self for friendships that I never had that I could. Am I turning away men that I could have something with because of this?


*side note MUCH ADO ABOUT MEN

I was talking to my friend and she stated I tend to come of a bit abrasive and "you said what"  kind of personality. Which is nothing wrong but it doesn't seem to attract the guys that I want, I don't want to change the way I am to get a man but I know I do tend to act put off and yes a little snobbish but I have my reason's and my blocks I just have to let some of them down. I like my self, I like my downs  and my ups and my many emotional scars and my physical ones. I love my body( even though I'm losing weight) I don't think I have to change the person that I see in the mirror everyday just to find someone.


*** end

I would like to think I would change some of my ways be more open and not so judgemental to people I don't know as I come across them. I would change little things but I am who I am for a reason and I've lasted  24 year's being this way think I can last this way a couple more years and be happy with my self.

I dig and dig

I'm actually digging my life right now the stops and starts that have been going on doesn't bother me like it use to. Granted it's nice not great or amazing but I imagine things could be worst.

Watching the sun fade away I remeber

there was a time; when I gave my heart
to you. Now it's gone like the birds flying
to the north

oh yeah ?

“Sometimes when people get what they want, they realize how limited their goals were.”— Joan Holloway

*”The Wheel” (season 1, ep. 13) *Mad Men

Waiting at the window

 to keep the hope; the hope that when
you smile at me and wave goodbye only means
you'll be back tomorrow

this feeling inside

 could wait for you but then my heart will be left alone
 I could stand up for my self and just admit  that I love you
and I just want you to see my heart  on my sleeve so you can grab it and place it
inside yourself so you can feel  the love I have for you

MOveS

I applied for a job last week and I got an interview, The only downside it was further (much further ) from where I live and the hours were from 7:30-5:00pm. That's alot for me to get up very early like around 5am to be over there by 7:30 so I told the supervisor to take out my resume and forget about it! (don't worry I didn't say it like that) I was actually professional when I sent out the e-mail.

So with that done it's made me think on what am I doing with my life. I don't want to do this job  forever. There are people here that retired from this job and I don't want to be that old person who retires from this job!!!  I get so comfortable in certain positions in my life I forget to look forward and keep walking, I'm afraid of starting over but then again who isn't. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT IN MY LIFE!!

I can go back to school and further my education but I really don't want to, my mother pushed me so much in High School that I couldn't fail anything so going back to school leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but with out those papers what am I to do ? I would like a career in makeup but people demanding and pickey doesn't suit me well. ( ugh seeing all this I realize how childish I am).

I wouldn't mind going somewhere and and becoming a different person I want to change my name my birthday my personality and see where it lands me. I wonder what would it take for me to leave all this behind and if I really could. It's easy to say I want to leave but when it comes down to it will I ever?

To:You From: Love

I want to be written a love letter or just a letter.

No one ever writes letters anymore, everyone shoots an e-mail or a text and they are done with it.I believe there is no feeling or emotion when you write someone an e-mail or just sending a text.  I pretty sure if one took there time writing a letter they will produce something beautiful and lovely that they always write letters.

Is that to romantic to think ?

could we ?

http://www.etsy.com/listing/87599009/notebook-paper-loose-leaf-wall-hanging

Break

Just so you know, there are certain people who were put here to break you. So you could learn how to pull yourself back together again.

— I Wrote This For You: The Importance Of Breaking Things And People (via kari-shma)

I wonder if I broke anybody? If I did I wonder if they would tell me so I can apologize and say your welcome.