beginner's luck

If we lived everyday perfectly would we wonder how would our days would be if they weren't ??

I saw my ex on Friday ( now mind you it wasn't a ex that I wasn't in love with so we had to break up,we had to break up because of his race, imagine that ! ) After I broke up with him I felt punched in the gut and torn about my family (after all how could family not let you love someone) Don't worry no scenes from Romen and Juliet here. I know what your thinking how could a 23/24 women let her (folks) run her love life Well I have a couple reasons;

1. No matter how old you are your parents always think they can run your life ( In my case they did)
2. I was worried I would lose my family ( I felt like if I choose love for this man my family would no longer love me and apart of me wondered the love I have for this man won't fill the place my family does)
3.I'm a spoiled brat who enjoys the finer things in life.

My mother threatened to disown me and all that I knew  for me never having to fend for myself and be out of a home that I grew up in scared me a great deal. I wasn't working and I was going to school I DEPENDED on my folks to shelter me and give me food and other nesseciates so what choice did I have??

So we broke up and kept in touch secretly it was thrilling but also filled me with longing. Why just couldn't I be with this one person!! As things go and we both moved on in sorts he's still single and I'm still single occasically in each other gravity but never connecting just circling.

I wonder if my life was different if I choose different things and my parents (namely my mother ) was different would I still be with him? Would I be happy that I stood my ground and choose him? Would he be happy with me? I'm always wondering...