can I miss you even if you're still here ?

I miss my grandmother

She has alzhemiers

In the beginning everyone thought she was just forgetful and getting older. Missing keys, couldn't find her car, couldn't find her phone. They should of been signs of something wrong but all of us just shrugged our shoulders and became aspirated about the situations my grandmother fell in.

Then my grandfather left my grandma and she was alone in apartment, I slept over some days when she said she was lonely. I wish I remeber during that time if she was happy or if she was afraid of what was going to happen with her life. Then things got worst so she moved in with us and then everything turned into a nightmare.

It was a struggle for her to remeber where she was and why she was living with us, she was angry and mean and sweet all in a day. This wasn't my grandma that I grew up with( this wasn't a person I knew) It made me angry because seeing her change and become someone who seemed to be crazy. My mom had a hard time going through it she still does and she feels guilty I'm pretty sure if given the choice my mom would have it to spear my grandmother.

I miss her when days I smell a perfume that reminds me of her, early morning's when she use to make me oatmeal just right.The things that she use to say that would make me feel better about my self.  I don't think about those things because they make me cry and ache for my grandmother.